Take Action In Spite Of

I am several weeks into the online class I am taking from Brave Girls Club.  It is called Soul Restoration 2.   Have you ever heard of it or taken any of the Brave Girls classes?  Let me tell you...their online classes are worth every penny.

I was so scared to start because I didn't know what to expect.  It is my first Brave Girls class.   

What if everything I try to create is ugly?  
What if I don't like the class?  
What if my worst fear comes true and I find out I really don't have a creative bone in my body?  And on and on and on...

Here's what I am finding out.  

Some things I am creating are indeed ugly in my opinion.  
I love the class.  
And I may have a few creative bones in my body.

The first couple weeks of the class focus on what you really love to do and feel passionate about.  I began the process of making a sketchbook into a creative place to explore what I love and many other things.  And I wrote a mission statement .

Now I've actually written a mission statement several times over the years; though not lately and not in this creative format.  Past explorations have been more cerebral versus creative. 

Once that was completed, I started on what they call a vision board.  Again, not something I haven't heard of before; though I had never done one of these.

Feelings Before Creating

Besides anxiety and excitement, the other feeling I experienced prior to starting was dread.  Fear's consistent companion I guess.  I was scared it would be too big a project and I wouldn't be able to finish it.  I was afraid I wouldn't have the desire, motivation and energy to follow it through to the end.

Now I know that is the depression talking.  "You don't have the energy for this Lynn.  You're an okay starter but you're not a good finisher.  Just skip this project, its not that important anyway."

There are times when I know it is the depression talking, and I still can't not listen to it.  Talk about a constant companion.  It is always whispering in my ear.  "You're too tired.  Just stay in bed a little longer.  You don't have the energy to meet Sherry for lunch today.  Just call and reschedule."  

It was time to start the vision board and these kinds of thoughts were tickling my ear.   It was so hard for me to ignore them!  But I want out of this depression SO BAD!

So I got out the magazines and started looking for words that caught my eye.  I cut out anything that spoke to me and inspired me.  I cut and cut and cut...with no particular path in mind.  The only goal was I AM GOING TO FINISH THIS PROJECT I STARTED!  Everything else was intuitive.

Here are a few photos of the cutting out process...

Here is the UGLY canvas with about 10 layers of paint on it.  I used this to create my vision board.  Thank goodness most of it is covered!  : )

            

And here is the final product...YES...I finished it!  The same evening.  I was not willing to stop until I had completed the project.  This was BIG for me!  

Feelings After Creating

I think it was about 2:00 AM when I finished but that is the key word...Finished!  I felt exhilarated, excited, empowered, happy, inspired and grateful.

The best part too is I did not feel depressed!  I had created my way out of all those negative, energy zapping and mind/body numbing emotions.

I also wrote a different ending to an otherwise typical story.  I was battling depressed and anxious thoughts; I couldn't not listen to them because they were there.  But I took action in spite of them and that is the key for me every time.

I keep re-learning over and over...I must take action in spite of how I feel and no matter what the depression is telling me.  I HATE that it boils down to something this simple; yet it is so not simple for me to DO!  

I don't know if this is true for you but it is often true for me.  So I will keep creating and will create my way out of this depression one brush stroke, one project, one moment, one day at a time.  Will you keep creating too?

When depressed apply wet paint...or brush mod podge over cut out magazine words.   


This post is part of a brave blogging challenge arranged by Liv Lane for the students of her e-course How To Build A Blog You Truly Love.